by Kaitlyn
During my senior year of high school, I really wanted to know where I would go to college. It felt like if I could only know which school then so much would be solved. Maybe that’s why a sermon I heard during that time resonated with me so greatly. As the pastor talked about contentment he said that it’s easy to spend your early married years wishing you had kids, and then when you have infants just wishing they would just sleep through the night, and then wishing they would just get out of diapers, and then wishing they could just start school, . . . and on and on. But then he said eventually your kids are grown and out of the house and you miss the time that has passed. It’s easy to miss the joys of one phase because you are too busy longing for another.
Not surprisingly, knowing which college I went to didn’t solve all my problems. Once at college I really wanted to know whether I would meet my future spouse or not. I remember sitting in a Bible study, extremely distracted by the idea “what if someone in this room is my future spouse?!” While I look back at that and laugh and shake my head, experiencing waiting and not knowing was very difficult at the time. I felt that struggle especially when my senior year came around and it was evident that my plan to be married before graduation was not God’s plan.
What does it mean to wait well? To wait with contentment? How do I live with strong (and even good) desires but choose contentment at the same time? Whether it’s an unwanted trial or an unknown future, waiting is hard. Even once I met a man whom I truly hoped would be my husband, I realized that within the magical world of dating I still had to learn to wait well. Just because I knew a godly man didn’t provide any guarantee that this was the man that God had in store for me. Suddenly I was once again dealing with waiting well when I thought instead I would have arrived at a point of not needing to trust or practice contentment anymore.
But that’s the tricky thing about contentment. It’s not a software upgrade or a wardrobe item that is received and forever applied to life. It’s a lesson that I keep learning. In my first year of marriage I was emotionally distraught about my unmet desire to have children and knew I needed to bring my heart to the Lord. And that’s when I realized, “This is a distrust and discontentment issue just like college and dating and waiting were. Waiting well is a life-long theme.” The Lord helped me zoom out and realize that I had lessons from previous stages of waiting that could apply to this stage. And, most certainly, I was now going to learn more about waiting that would be applicable to future stages. It wasn’t about arriving, it was about growing in my relationship with Him along the way.
And so I prayed a prayer then that I continue to pray now. “Lord, help me to focus on my relationship with You today. Teach me contentment in this phase and prepare me for things ahead. Help me to trust You more and to gain a depth and love for you that fulfills me more than any earthly thing. Help me to be content today. Teach me how to bring my heart’s desires to You and to love and trust you more.”
--Kaitlyn
Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. --Psalm 63:11
“For I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” --Phil 4:11-13