Dreams

I’ve had a homework assignment from a Dream sermon in late October. The assignment was to dream again and to write them down. Of course, Crazy Faith brought it up a second time. “I needed permission to dream!” I immediately started crying. Our Jesus is Life Bible reading plan hit it again, “What do you want? And are you ready for it?” Each time dreaming comes up I have a heart level reaction. 

But for whatever reason I found myself stalling. I’m nervous to write my dreams down. There is a block somewhere – fear of disappointment maybe. I don’t know. But today is the day. I’m making myself write them down – no more excuses. Moving from fear starts now…

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Dreams are now on paper. 

A few days later while sharing them with Mom, I realized I hadn’t shared them with the Lord. Even writing them out, I almost had to detach myself, as if writing someone else’s dreams down. I had talked about spending more time in prayer, but the topic of my dreams just never came up. “OK God, here I come, not sure why this is so hard…

I shut myself in my room and below is the beginning of that raw prayer.

Why am I so scared? I feel like a first date and I’m too nervous to get on the call. Nervous eating, my stomach has butterflies, my heart is beating faster. I’m scared to verbalize my heart’s desires to You which makes no sense because you put those desires there. They are not new to You. But for some reason, telling them to Mom is just kind of sharing but telling them to You, I don’t know. Am I scared of them actually happening? Is the thought of a gift that good overwhelming? I don’t know. If I truly believe that You want to give good gifts to Your children ….. Help me to be ready for what You are going to do. Help me to wait in anticipation, expectant that You will blow me away. 

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Is there something you are hesitant to bring to the Lord? Do you know what is holding you back? God intricately made you. He knows how many hairs are on your head, and He loves you dearly. In the loving arms of your Father is the safest place to share your heart.

-       They aren’t my dreams but His dreams for me. 🎵Let me dream for you🎶 (Casting Crowns) 

Seen

God is so good! And He works in very personal ways. I just love that. Tonight in Bible study we were discussing how our mental picture of God effects our prayer life. As the group facilitator, I was picturing Jesus surround by a crowd of people. And scripturally it was very common for Him to be surrounded by people. But it was my translation of that image that got me.

In this visual, I’m the runner or the gopher. I’m busying myself bringing others prayers and concerns before the Lord. Bringing waters, an encouraging word, a listening ear, checking in on people, and trying to help with the “smaller cases” to free Him up for others. But in doing…my pleas are never presented. “Oh, they can wait. I’ll go last.”

I wonder why God appears to be doing more in the lives around me than my own. Could it be as simple as I didn’t ask? In this picture I’ve created in my head of Jesus, I’ve painted myself out. No longer sitting at His feet but a blur going back and forth tending to things He can fully handle.

The image stops. The people have disappeared. Only two are left standing. “Come. Wait. Rest. Come to Me. Come sit with Me, talk with Me. You are My child.” Jesus is never too busy for me. We are called to be His hands and feet. But we are also called to seek Him first and above all things.

The world looks on and sees all the people. Jesus looks through and sees only you.

100% on My Own. OR…

God can do more with 90% than I can with 100%. This is one of those concepts that I seem to hear on repeat. So much so that I started to tune it out. Giving has been a part of life for as long as I can remember. It’s just something you do. However, the concept takes on a whole new meaning when you’re broke. Being faithful in the little things, aka when you have little, is where it really counts. 

I found myself second guessing, “OK, what do I need to give? If I resell something does that count as income? What if someone gives me a monetary gift, do I need to tithe on that?” I finally decided the answer is yes, always yes. TRUST! God provides but He wants our heart first. I haven’t been this hypersensitive to the provision of God since college. This month I received my first tip with my new job. (I didn’t even know that was a thing.) Found 11 cents in a parking lot. Went bowling and rather than paying, I came back with $20. I made chili for an event and won $10. While digging in my wallet for the extra $1 I had stashed, I found $21 hiding there. God has been bringing money out of the woodwork. 

(As I hit submit on this post I’m happy to say all bills are paid on 90%. Only God.)

And they brought in abundantly the tithe of everything. 2 Chr 31:5 ESV

Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Cor 9:7 ESV