Waiting Well

by Kaitlyn

During my senior year of high school, I really wanted to know where I would go to college. It felt like if I could only know which school then so much would be solved. Maybe that’s why a sermon I heard during that time resonated with me so greatly. As the pastor talked about contentment he said that it’s easy to spend your early married years wishing you had kids, and then when you have infants just wishing they would just sleep through the night, and then wishing they would just get out of diapers, and then wishing they could just start school, . . . and on and on. But then he said eventually your kids are grown and out of the house and you miss the time that has passed. It’s easy to miss the joys of one phase because you are too busy longing for another.

Not surprisingly, knowing which college I went to didn’t solve all my problems. Once at college I really wanted to know whether I would meet my future spouse or not. I remember sitting in a Bible study, extremely distracted by the idea “what if someone in this room is my future spouse?!” While I look back at that and laugh and shake my head, experiencing waiting and not knowing was very difficult at the time.  I felt that struggle especially when my senior year came around and it was evident that my plan to be married before graduation was not God’s plan.

What does it mean to wait well? To wait with contentment? How do I live with strong (and even good) desires but choose contentment at the same time? Whether it’s an unwanted trial or an unknown future, waiting is hard. Even once I met a man whom I truly hoped would be my husband, I realized that within the magical world of dating I still had to learn to wait well. Just because I knew a godly man didn’t provide any guarantee that this was the man that God had in store for me. Suddenly I was once again dealing with waiting well when I thought instead I would have arrived at a point of not needing to trust or practice contentment anymore.

But that’s the tricky thing about contentment. It’s not a software upgrade or a wardrobe item that is received and forever applied to life. It’s a lesson that I keep learning. In my first year of marriage I was emotionally distraught about my unmet desire to have children and knew I needed to bring my heart to the Lord. And that’s when I realized, “This is a distrust and discontentment issue just like college and dating and waiting were. Waiting well is a life-long theme.” The Lord helped me zoom out and realize that I had lessons from previous stages of waiting that could apply to this stage. And, most certainly, I was now going to learn more about waiting that would be applicable to future stages. It wasn’t about arriving, it was about growing in my relationship with Him along the way.

And so I prayed a prayer then that I continue to pray now. “Lord, help me to focus on my relationship with You today. Teach me contentment in this phase and prepare me for things ahead. Help me to trust You more and to gain a depth and love for you that fulfills me more than any earthly thing. Help me to be content today. Teach me how to bring my heart’s desires to You and to love and trust you more.”

--Kaitlyn

Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.  --Psalm 63:11

“For I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” --Phil 4:11-13 

Beauty - Runway Tulsa

This week I had the privilege of attending two nights of a fashion event. A sweet lady had extra VIP tickets and thought of me (twice.) I thought VIP was reserved for famous people 😎

Long tables full of elegant edibles: bacon-wrapped dates, a lovely fruit platter, smoked salmon, grilled shrimp, crackers with fancy purple cheese (blueberry Chèvre I'm told) and much more lined the front walls. One table was dedicated solely to chocolate!

Being in a fashion saturated event, I was repeatedly reminded of one thing. God's view of beauty looks very different than the world's. 😊 There was clearly a "mold" to which the models were trained to conform. The walk, the facial expressions, the pose - the ladies executed their jobs to a T. Even those in attendance felt the need to rise to the beauty standard. Fake lashes, perfect lipstick, and gorgeous dresses (maybe a little shorter or a little tighter than normal.) We all want to look and feel beautiful, especially at a runway event!

But does all of this really equal beauty. I was looking people in the eye, watching for a hint of a smile, attentively searching for signs of abundant joy, fulfillment, and life - I found only a few. 

I left the gala feeling uneasy. What was supposed to be a fun girls night out had me conflicted on the inside. There wasn't anything inherently wrong with the evening, but my soul knew something wasn't right. 

So I came home and did a brief search/study on what beauty means to God. 1 Sam 16:7 immediately came to mind. "Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart." So how should I "fashion" my heart? Turns out we were already given the answer. 

Clothe yourself with: 

• Strength and dignity - Prov 31.25
• Love - Col 3.14
• Humility - 1 Peter 5.5
• The Lord Jesus Christ - Rom 13.14
• Honor and majesty - Job 40.10
• The full armor of God - Eph 6.11
• Christ - Gal 3.27
• Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience - Col 3.12

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Prov 31.30

True Beauty starts on the inside, and then manifests itself externally in our character, actions, personality, and shines through our eyes and smile. 

With a renewed perspective, I was able to thoroughly enjoy the second evening. I walked in with confidence, knowing that my worth was predetermined by the Lord. (I had only spent 10 minutes slipping into my glittery dress, throwing my hair up, and freshening my lipstick in the office bathroom- but God had already prepared my heart.) 

God is constantly orchestrating the details! My original seat assignment was next to a mother daughter pair with their friend a few seats down. Wanting to sit together they asked if I would switch places. Though hesitant at first, I agreed. (No idea why I'm so weird about seat assignments.) 

I'm so glad I moved. I made a new friend! After an hour of effortlessly chatting with the lady seated next to me, the runway show began. We applauded the cute styles, giggled at the pieces we could never pull off, and discussed the ins and outs of the design details - having created pieces of her own, she was very knowledgeable. 

From my new seat assignment I could also catch a glimpse of the models' faces as they headed backstage. After a perfect strut down the runway, full of attitude and style; smirks and smiles spread across their faces moments before they disappeared backstage. Whether from joy, relief, or inside jokes, I'm not sure. But it brightened my evening to see the natural joy on their faces. (I'm waiting for smiling models to be the "in-thing.")

One of the cutest moments came during the second-half when little girls entered hand-in-hand with a matching adult companion. The crowd erupted as the adorable little children started down the runway. You can't compete with the authenticity of a child. 

Interesting how differently I perceived both evenings. Walking in with a fresh Biblical perspective, and surrounding myself with encouraging Christ-centered conversation-- it's as if the things of the world didn't stick as well. (Like the stars and dots in Max Lucado's children's story - You Are Special.) I left the event with grace and positivity that was grossly lacking a couple evenings prior... thankful for the lessons learned, challenged to not conform, and encouraged to do fashion differently.

Washing Dishes

In our house I'm the dishwasher. If there is an art to washing dishes, I have honed that skill. Frequently, I listen to music while I do them. The house has settled down, I put in some headphones and unwind. Recently my outlook on life has been melancholy to say the least. So today I decided to listen to my YouVersion instead. James 1:1-18. I was a little distracted; I get really into the dishes and my mind wanders. So I played it again ...and again ...and again. Talk about alive and active! Each time a new phrase, word, or concept jumped out at me. 

Need wisdom? Ask. And don't doubt. Well, that is straightforward - but how many times have I been stressed or flustered recently because I didn't know what to do? Just ask and trust Him to answer. Trust Him WITH the answer. 

James - a SERVANT of God. I am here to serve not to be served. But oh how my prayers lean towards, "God, please serve(help) me." Or I may even get caught up in the act of serving and I forget about Him. Lost in my own little world, I ignore the One I'm trying to serve - aka missing the point. 

Don't just listen - Do. And you will be blessed in that. Do! I yearn to be spiritually adventurous, to want to be obedient, to earnestly seek Him and my next assignment. Whatever He has going is so much better than my half of a plan. Far too often I make the mental note - Yes, that was really good - but I do nothing. Simply hearing = deceiving myself. Actively doing = blessings from the Lord. 

I still have to wipe down the counters. Anticipating what will jump out next. 😊